


'Reality Is A Prison.'

by Jonnoryaaass



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013), The Fosters (TV 2013) RPF
Genre: Jonnor - Freeform, Jonnor fanfic, Jonnor fanfiction, Jonnor fic, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-28
Updated: 2015-10-24
Packaged: 2018-04-17 18:14:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 7,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4676468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jonnoryaaass/pseuds/Jonnoryaaass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jude is starting to realize that what hes going through is not normal</p>
          </blockquote>





	1. The Green Meadows

The music started to play. At first he started slow, swaying from side to side, preparing himself to start his dance. His feet start sliding on the floor to the back and he points his toes. He jumps into a spin arching his leg in the air keeping his feet pointed and then it begins.

Jude was running through the green meadows. His hands running through the barley that sprung up from the side of him. The sun beating down on his face, not to hot and not too cool, just in the middle. The sky being a lovely shade of blue with clouds dotted in areas. The grass below his feet feeling soft as hes walking. The humming of birds in the trees in the distance and a warm breeze gliding through his hair and the tree branches. A small wooden swing dangling from a sturdy branch, enough for Jude to fit in whenever it was needed and a picnic table, always having a lovely smell of food coming from it on the other side of the tree, shaded from the leaves.

This was Jude’s paradise his family would gather up around the picnic table. They would talk, laugh, sing, and eat. all smiling and enjoying themselves. A wooden farm house in the distance suggesting it was there home.

Jude’s favorite part of his paradise was sitting on the swing and watching the bees flying onto plants and taking the pollen to the next. He would sit there, swinging gently listening to the faint buzz of their wings. This was Jude’s paradise and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Jude started to hearing clapping. He looked over towards his family at the picnic table to see them stood facing him clapping. He sarcastically bows down to them closing his eyes while his head is down. When he lifts his head and opens his eyes, hes back in reality. A dull grey classroom, mirrors covering a wall with a banister running across it. Kids his age sat down on the floor clapping and looking at him in amazement His Mom’s near the door smiling and clapping too.

However this wasn’t Jude’s world, he hated it. He wished his fantasy was real. From his wise teacher from years ago, he still remembers the words that she said to him before he started dancing.

“You’re afraid, don’t be. To reach your own paradise, Just let go. What you’re imagining right now, you control.”

Jude was always a insecure kid but what his last dance teacher use to tell him made him feel whole again. Dancing made him feel better. He felt more secure mentally and it made him confident. In her class it was bright colours, cheery and loving. This one is dull, grey and boring.

Jude said thank you a couple of times. and went to sit down to listen to what the teacher was going to say next.

"We have a new student joining us. Same skill level as our Jude here.”

Jude’s eyes widen to the mention of his own name and falling shy because he knew what that meant.

“This is Connor Stevens everyone. Hes knew to town so everyone make him feel welcome. Connor you will be paired with Jude.”

“Okay.” Connor smiles at the teacher and towards Jude. He walks to the space next to Jude. Jude being as shy as he is, crosses his legs and brings his knees up so he can rest his head on it. only being able to see the ruffle of Jude’s hair and his dark brown eyes.

“Okay, split off into your pairs, talk and formulate a dance routine that you will perform next Friday. Jude and Connor, come to me for a second.”

They both stand up and walk over to there teacher.

“You guys have a different task. I normally don’t pair two boys together but unfortunately there isn’t a girl in this class who can perform to both of your levels. Connor I am going by what your old music teacher has told me on this one, so next Friday I want you to prove to me what you can do. Jude is a great guy, hes a bit shy at first but he’ll warm up to you.”

“Okay” Connor said enthusiastically. Jude just looks at Connor smiling intently listening to everything to everything the teacher is saying. The sparkle in his eyes when he hears something great. The hazel iris that catches his atten-

“Jude are you okay?” Connor questions snapping Jude out of his thoughts.

“Oh.. u-um.. Yeah” Jude says while blushing looking down to the floor on the side that Connor isn’t standing on.

Connor takes a piece of paper and pen. then grabs Jude’s arm, taking him to the corner of the dance room. He starts beginning to jot down ideas, speaking to fast for Jude to follow. But Jude is too lost in his eyes again, Just nodding here and there as if he was listening to Connor.

Connor clicked his fingers in front of Jude bringing him back into reality.

“Now I have you attention, I’ll let you choose the song.”

Jude starts to think of a good song for them to dance too. Something that was slow but with a good beat.

“Try by P!nk?” Jude questioned Connor.

“Oh my god, that is a brilliant idea and definitely a good song to dance to. I can start to see the dance already.” Connor says in an ‘over the top’ voice.

“But we’re going to need somewhere to practice without being in this room with everyone else staring at us, I want to keep our dance a secret so no one knows and can’t steal ideas” Connor whispers to Jude. Jude just smiles at this with a toothy grin.

“That can easily be dealt with. I have a key to this room and its always empty past 7pm. My Mom’s let me come and practice here with obviously the company of one of them but they won’t say anything about our dance to anyone else. My Mama kind of runs this dance school, like second in command so I get some more benefits than usual students do.” Jude said even quieter towards the end still feeling very shy.

“Thats settled then. Meet me here at 7 then, I got to go now, my aunt is over there to pick me up” He points in the direction of a women who looks just as energetic as Connor did. Her bouncy blonde curls with a modern dress sense.

“Okay” Jude said with a smile watching him run to his aunt. He himself ran to his Moms ready to go home. For some reason, whenever Jude was around Connor he would feel alive again, like he would in his paradise. Now that hes gone home everything felt like it was under a grey filter. Depressing, Sad, hurting. He couldn’t wait for 7pm to come.


	2. The Dance, The Song and Ruined Memories

7pm couldn’t come any quicker for Jude, he was filled with excitement. He was packing his sports bag with fresh clothes, dance clothes to change into, a couple of drinks and a bit of food as he felt like it would be a good 2-3 hours he’ll be there with Connor. He heard the rustle of car keys and his Mom’s voice.

“You ready Jude?” She questioned

“Just a sec-” he half shouted while grabbing his jacket. Before leaving his room, he checked around to see if he had left anything. Jude rooms is plain. Not many posters, many objects being black and white, Black sheet on the bed and white duvet with black and white pillows.

Everywhere Jude went all he saw was black and white. The kitchen, the dining room, living room, the streets, buildings and even himself. He would look in the mirror and see himself in black and white, his shirt black, jeans black, shoes black, his skin white, his eyes black and his hair black. It was like he was living a sad nightmare.

He walked outside nearly tripping over one of the sidewalk tiles. He sees his mom in the car already waiting for him with the engine on. She smiles through the window at him trying to make him feel welcome.

The whole journey was Jude looking out the window at the sketch work he can see through his eyes. Different shades of grey here and there with the odd bit of black and white.

“Jude hunny, we’re here” His Mom said. snapping Jude out of his visions.

He looked past his Mom to look at his dance building. He was amazed with what he saw. It was the only building in the area that radiated colour. He could see the dirty orange of the bricks, The dark brown of the old oak door. Everything about this building was in colour. A couple of days ago everything was black and white, just like any normal building in the area, but this time there’s colour.

It didn’t take long for Jude to put all the dots together. He walked inside the building and saw Connor. He was the only one who was in colour. His tanned skin, hazel eyes, dirty blonde hair, his pink rim to dark red lips and the black line going across them showing the seal of his lips. The green plaid shirt, the blueish grey skinny jeans, red vans and yellow wrist watch.

“Hey” Connor said smiling. Jude saw he saw sparks coming from his smile. ‘What is going on’ Jude thought in his head.

“H-hey Connor.” Jude stutters making Connor smile even more.

“Okay boys, usually I would stay with you and watch but I got to go do something just around to corner from the building, I’ll be no more than an hour”

“Okay Mom” Jude says and walks off to the classroom with the door key in his hand.

he unlocks the door letting Connor walk in first. Before Connor walked in, it was its usual black and white self with mirrors reflecting the same colour. But when Connor walked in, The floor boards turned from a light grey colour to a golden syrup colour. The black wall was light yellow with red being blending out of the corners. with the same effect on the other walls.

Jude looked into the mirror to see himself in colour. It shocked him. His clothes aren’t black and white, they’re different shades of blue, His eyes with dark brown, and even though he was still pale, at least he wasn’t completely white.

He touched his face as if he had a new face and was just feeling the contours, He wanted to know what colour felt like. With the feeling of his skin still the same, he concluded that he always had colour, he just couldn’t see it. He didn’t know why.

Connor stood next to Jude at the mirror just looking at Jude touching his face. He was confused to why he did it, but when he looked at his eyes closer, they were different. Yesterday when he looked in Jude’s eyes, his eyes were soulless but now they’re full of life. Connor walks to the nearest plug socket to plug in his phone in so it can charge while playing music.

“So, you ready then.” Connor asks Jude.

“Sure, play the song and I’ll see what I can come up with first, then you do the same?”

“Sure then we will put two and two together?”

“Absolutely? Jude smiles at Connor.

Connor puts the song ‘Try’ by P!nk on and begins to watch Jude.

Jude swings his foot behind him again with the point of his toe, jumps and arches his leg while spinning. And then it begins.

Jude is back in his paradise, same setting. His family are around eating and he’s sat on the swing listening to the humming of birds and fast flutters of bees wings.

However it felt different. He looked around wondering what was different. He turned around to the picnic bench and his family were gone. He turned his head towards where the path of grass and barley would be, but all he saw was fire. He turned around back to the picnic bench. Fire. He looked over at the farm house. Fire. He looked at his hands. Burnt. He tried running but the flames were catching up. He eventually tripped over nothing and landed in what’s left of the soft grass soon to be consumed by fire.

Connor was watching Jude. His dancing was smooth at the start, following the tempo of the music as if he was in a happy place. It got to the chorus-

_**‘Where there is desire there is going to be a flame,’** _

Judes movements became more stern instead of fluent. His face became more serious, Connor notice his eye colour changing back to his soulless eyes.

“Jude?” Connor said with a hint of worry in his voice but Jude carried on dancing. Connor stood up about to walk over when-

_**'Where there is a flame someones bound to get burnt,’** _

Jude froze, with his head down, arm up in the air foot behind him. Connor wasn’t paying attention to the way Jude was standing though. It was what was coming out of his eyes. Tears were dropping to the floor. But then Jude grabbed Connors hand. Doing this surprised Connor and-

_**‘But just because it burns, doesn’t mean you’re gonna die, You’ve gotta get up and try,’** _

Connor was dancing with Jude, He could feel the heat on his hands. He doesn’t understand why he was that hot but it looked like his skin was starting to burn.

_**‘try’** _

Jude’s tears we’re still falling.

_**‘try’** _

“Its ruined” Jude collapsed into Connors arms, burn marks on his hands.


	3. The Dream Being A Hidden Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude is starting to realize that what hes going through is not normal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THIS IS CHAPTER 3. WHAT IS EVERYONE THINKING ABOUT THIS FIC SO FAR, I HONESTLY WANT TO KNOW WHERE YOU THINK THIS STORY IS HEADING :p generally hearing what you think will help me alot :). Anyways so I know its confusing but literally keep with it as the more you read the more you will start to get it at the end.

Darkness is all Jude could see, No light getting in. Nothing but the colour black. Showing the absence of colour.

“beep....beep....beep....beep’ This was the noise that Jude heard in the blackness. He started to wonder what it was, Why was it the only thing that was coming forward to him? Why was it the only thing he could hear? he couldn’t feel, see, smell or taste anything but he could hear this constant beep in his mind.

“Please don’t leave me...” A familiar voice said. Jude couldn’t put a name to the voice but it was so familiar. Jude started to feel warm sensation where his hand should be.

‘Am I dead?’ Jude thought to himself.

“I love you Jude, Don’t leave me...” The voice that Jude could hear started cracking. Jude started to feel something cooler. It as if something was dropping on his cheek. Tears maybe? From him or this mysterious voice?

Jude woke up to his black and white room. Everything in the same place as usual, nothing had really changed. He looked down at his hands and saw bandages covering up the burn marks caused from his dance.

‘When did these get put on me’ Jude thought to himself. Memories such as him falling into Connor’s arms started to flood back to him. He doesn’t exactly remember anything else after that so he must of fainted.

He looked up again and saw Connor standing in front of his bed.

“Connor how did-”

“Your Moms let me in, I want to see how you were.” He stated cutting Jude off. “I just got really worried, that’s all.”

“How long have I been gone for?”

“For about two days, No one exactly knows why you were unconscious for that long.”

“Oh..” Jude looked down to his hands again but found his bandages were gone. His eyes widened to this discovery. ‘What is going on’

He looked back up to see Connor sitting closer.

“Connor what are y-” Jude being cut off again by Connors lips being placed on his. Jude was surprised at first but he closed his eyes and enjoyed it, The softness of the kiss, his lips... Jude felt like he was dreaming. He opened his eyes to see Connor was no longer in the room.

‘The kiss felt so real though’ he placed his hand on his lips, feeling the bandages and the stings of the burns.

“Ouch” Jude said, looking at his hand wondering why the bandages were back.

"I love you Jude" He heard the voice again, But able to pinpoint who it was. He looked behind him and saw Connor had his arms wrapped around Jude. Jude being in between Connor legs with his head leaning against Connors chest.

“This is wrong.” Jude stated.

Connors heart jumped to what he said. “Why are you saying this?”

“You were over there at the side of my bed. I look down and looked back up and you were close. And then you kissed me... An-and now, You’re behind me cuddling me. This isn’t making sense.”

“I love you Jude, Don’t leave me...” And there it was again... The words but coming from Connors mouth behind him. The grip around Jude got tighter and tighter.

“Don’t leave me.”

“Connor let go, you’re hurting me”

“Don’t leave me Jude!” Tears started coming out of Connors eyes and was hitting Jude’s left shoulder sending shivers down his spine.

“Connor!” Jude was now struggling for breath unable to breath due to Connors tight hold.

Jude woke up, Seeing the black and white of his ceiling. Heavily panting, sweat dripping, feeling like the duvet was suffocating him feeling trapped.

‘It was just a dream... Just a dream’ he thought to himself, slowing his breathing down. The duvet started to feel lighter and the sweat started to dry up on his skin.

“It was just a dream.” he said to himself out loud, rubbing his head feeling the soft cotton of the bandages on his head. ‘well they’re real’.

unknowingly, Jude woke up a sleepy boy who was asleep on the floor next to his bed after stating his dream out loud.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So again sorry for the completely confusing chapter but seriously keep following it and you will get your answers soon enough. I’ve been dropping hints of here and there towards what this is really about.. It will all make sense soon enough. Also sorry that this chapter is relatively short :/ Its me realizing that post modernism is actrually quite hard to do XD... anyways please give me feedback about this. I’d be very greatful :)


	4. 'Reality Is But A Dream.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after the amount of confusion I have put you all in (Woopsie) I’m going to make things a bit more clearer by adding more hints here and there, Also tell me where you think the story is going, I’m generally curious :P

“Jude...” Connor whimpered, slowly turning around to look up at a distressed Jude.

“Connor, what happened to me?” Jude asked, keeping a shocked look on him.

Connor went to answer but cut off by Jude again.

“Why are you here? We barely know each other yet you’re the only person I see in colour...” Jude lowered his tone at the end when the mention of colour came.

“Because Jude, You are the only one I can see in black and white.”

Jude’s eyes opened even wider to what Connor said. Jude took a closer look at his eye and noticed that he had the same eyes as himself.

“Wherever you go, You light up everything Connor, I don’t know how or why, but In the dance room you lit up the room, I looked in the Mirrors and saw me in colour, It was the first time I seen this. I looked back at my hands and saw they were black and white, but in the mirror they were coloured” Jude explained.

“That still doesn’t explain why your hands are burnt.” Connor pointed out.

“How am I suppose to dance now?

“I can’t believe you still want to dance” Connor gave out a light chuckle.

“Its my only way of feeling happy.” When Connor heard Jude say this, is heart sank, the smile left after his chuckle disappeared, all he wanted to do was hold Jude, tell him everything was alright and kiss his forehead.

‘Why am I having these thoughts about Jude’ He questioned himself but the thoughts subsided once he saw tears coming out of Jude’s eyes.

Connor got behind Jude and pulled Jude closer, between his legs, wrapped his arms around Jude and hugged him.

These actions made him remember his nightmare, but this time Jude felt warm, comfortable, loved.

“This was my nightmare Connor...”

“Oh.. Um.. do you want me to stop?” Connor felt bad that he triggered memories but also felt offended in a way.

“Oh no, not like that, you kissed me, disappeared. But you was behind me, tightening your grip, suffocating me until I woke up struggling to breath...”

“You do have an imagination don’t you?” Connor stated more than asked.

“You should see what I see when I dance, but I don’t think that’s possible now considering it burned away.”

“And that’s how you got your burn marks?”

“I guess so, I don’t understand it myself but what i saw got burnt away and my hands got caught in the flames.”

Jude and Connor stayed in the same position for the next half an hour in a comfortable silence. They could hear feet tapping the floor boards around the house signalling that everyone was getting up and getting ready for whatever they were going to do for that day. Jude wondered why he was letting Connor do this with him, He doesn’t know much about Connor but he feels like hes known him most of his life.

‘ _You’ve known him all your life_ ’

‘ _He’s always loved you_ ’

‘ _He’s there in your dreams_ ’

‘ _He’s there with you now, as the music goes beep....beep....beep._ ’

These thoughts were swirling around in Jude’s head. He didn’t know what to think. He would say that is was the devil inside him saying these things, but its his own voice saying this, no one else. He feels like his subconsciousness is a completely different person. A mind of its own

‘ _Start following what you want, and you will be free to live the same life you’ve always wanted to live_ ’

“ Connor, what are we?”

“What do you mean?” Connor asked

“This.” Jude waved his hands up and down, telling Connor in expressions of what they were doing.

“Oh... um, I’m showing supp-”

“No you’re not. Start following what you want, and you will be free to live the same life you’ve always wanted to live.” Jude cut Connor off by saying the phrase that he thought in his head.

Connor was astonished with what he heard. He didn’t know what to say. He left his mouth hanging wide open, not realizing what he was breathing very close to Jude’s neck.

“Just say in your head what you want the most. Then make it reality.” Jude said. Wondering where this was coming from, he couldn’t stop it. He was rambling on for another minute with life advice for Connor until he felt Connor’s delicate lips on his neck, making Jude gasp. This made Jude remember the same feeling he felt on his lips, the soft sensation of Connors lips.

“Did you kiss me while I was asleep.” Jude whispered.

“If I did, would you be angry?”

“I could never be angry with you, I just want to know.”

“Well I’ll make sure I do it next time then. As for last night, I didn’t kiss you.” Connor honestly answered.

“What are we Connor.” Jude asked again.

“Do you want to be mine?” Connor nervously shot back a question to Jude.

Jude leaned back onto the left hand side of Connors body, turning his head to the right to he could get comfortable. He then responded to Connors question softly breathing on his neck with his mouth, closing his eyes, then place his lips near the Adam’s apple of Connors neck making Connor release his breath he’s been holding in slowly, feeling relaxed, feeling special.

“Yes.” Jude said pulling his lips away from his neck just slightly, eyes still closed, turning his body slightly in Connors grip, so he can lay on Connors chest. And with that, Jude and Connor sat in comfortable silence. In each others embrace. Colour washing over each other like the perfect storm.

‘ _Beep....Beep....Beep....Beep....Beep_ ’ Eyes shot open. realizing this was Connors heart beat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel bad about the ending of this chapter but I was like maybe I shall throw this in there lel.... Tell me what you think and what you think is going to happen further on in the story, as I’ve already said, I’m massively curious :P Also there will be a lot more chapters, this will have an ending, how am I getting there.


	5. 'Realit Is But A Puzzled Memory.'

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jude teaches a lesson that he was taught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is chapter 5 and its going to be different from the rest of them and you will find out why when you read it

‘ _know the water’s sweet, but blood is thicker_.’

“Why are we here Jude?”

“Because I want to teach you something that my teacher taught me about dance.” Jude answered.

“What song Jude?” Connor asks eagerly

“Someone like you by Adele?”

“Yes! oh my god, I love that song!” Connor jumps up from sitting on the ground and gets ready to dance.

“Before we start, there’s something I need to tell you.”

Jude takes in a couple of breaths to prepare his mind for what hes about to tell Connor. He puts on the music for Connor so he can begin. Connor starts dancing slowly to the start of the song, his arms and legs soft, flowing to the slow melody of the song. However Jude could see that Connor had too much concentration on his face, not expressing any emotion in his moves. flowing but stiff, soft but hard.

“You’re afraid, don’t be. To reach your own paradise, Just let go.“ Mimicking the words of his old dance teacher.

Connor was still concentrating. But he could see he was still trying to let go of himself,

“Get lost in the music, find your dream.” Jude added

Jude turns the music off to stop Connor from dancing, to get his attention. He tells Connor using hand gestures to come and sit next to him so they can have a talk and to put the next song on.

“So this time we’re going to dance together, and before you even say anything, the bandages are protecting the burns, just don’t put too much pressure on my hands, I wouldn’t usually dance but its you and you look hopeless by yourself so I’m going to dance.” Jude bluntly pointed out.

“No need to be rudeee judeeee” Connor sarcastically said extending the E’s “But if your hands start hurting, we’re stopping.” Connor sternly said.

“Fine, anyways the song we’re going to dance to is read all about it (part lll) by Emeli Sandé” Jude stated.

Jude press start on the stereo and they both walked to the middle of the room.

“We’re just going to do a simple dance, I just need you to let go.”

Jude stood in front of Connor and faced him. He put his left hand on Connor shoulder and his right hand on Connors left hip, then pulling Connor closer to his body. Connor did the same, putting his left hand on Jude’s shoulder and his right hand on Judes hip.

**_‘You’ve got words to change a nation, but you’re biting your tongue’_ **

Jude whispered softly in Connors ears, “You’re afraid, don’t be. T

_**‘You’ve spent a life time stuck in silence afraid you’ll say something wrong’** _

“To reach your own paradise, Just let go.”

‘If no one ever hears it how we gonna learn your song’

“What you’re imagining right now, you control.”

And with that Jude and Connor were in there own paradise, shared with each other. Hand in hand, smiling at each other as they were walking across the green meadows. Jude being pushed by Connor on the swing, Throwing a ball across the field to each other. Laying down in the grass watching clouds pass still smiling. Wrestling each other down to the ground, Connor winning most of the times, Then towards the end of the song, they Just stare in each others eyes, losing themselves in each others gaze, wide grins, little chuckles here and there. This was there paradise.

But this paradise bought back memories to Jude, he feels like he’s been in this position before. Not once, but many times, landing on a nice soft patch of grass in the back garden of his home. He feels like he’s living two lives right now. This one, and one that hes not aware of. His dreams feel to real for them to be dream and he wants to know whats going on.

He lifts his head to hear Connors heart beat again to see if the same beat was still going.

_'Beep....Beep....Beep.....Beep’_

That was still there but he could hear something new. The slight gasping of air which sounds like its being given to him instead of him taking it from the air. Jude was confused but right now he couldn’t let it bother him. He was enjoying this paradise that they both created with there dance.

_**‘Read all about it, ooohhhhhhhh’** _

The song ends and so does the boys dream, Still as close to each other as when they first started the dance. The heavy pants of each others warm breath blowing onto each other in a soft gust.

“Wow.” Is all what Connor could say.

“Yeah...” Jude smiled as he said it.

Jude and Connor stay the way they are for a couple of minutes, slowing there breaths down and just looking into each others eyes. As much as both boys wanted to kiss, they both felt like they couldn’t. There was something pulling the boys apart from the kiss that they have wanted to do for the past couple of days. But for now, feeling each others breath on each others faces was satisfying enough.

“Jude...?”

“Yeah?”

“Know the water's sweet but blood is thicker.”

In Jude’s mind something clicked. He has heard that saying coming from those lips before. He just didn’t know what was going on. Was he suffering from memory loss? Did certain sayings trigger Memories? Jude’s mind was about to explode with all of these thoughts

And then everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And before you all kill me, I am so sorry for what I wrote, but like im guessing you're just going to have to find out what happens next chapter :P


	6. Who Is Jude?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things start to reveal themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So after a long break and me partying hard I shall start off again by doing a chapter of this. For a catch up I left off with ‘and then everything went black’ Just so you’ll reminded. I will being writing a chapter of ‘The Fosters In A Magical World’ too but that will come later :3

_‘Know the water’s sweet but blood is thicker’_ A faint whisper came through, calling out to Jude.

Darkness, despair, pain, burnt, abandoned.

 

“Who is it? Who are you? Who am I?” Jude was questioning himself. He didn’t know where he was. Its like his existence disappeared within himself leaving a hollow shell on the inside. Inside where? He didn’t know himself.

The walls within this shell were curved and distorted like veins going through your body in a natural pattern. The floor being pink with a red tint, and strangely soft. Sat in the middle of this hollow dome is a table and chair. The table half sunk into the floor along with the table. The table had documents on top labeled Jude Jacobs, and then a new set labelled Jude Adams-Foster.

“My Names? These aren’t my names.” He said to himself confused to what was in front of him.

He first started looking through the first document labelled Jude Jacobs. It tells him that his family are loving and caring and live on Callie falling in love and having a couple of children later getting married. That his parents live a carefree life and don’t have to worry about anything other than there children. That Jude goes on to find a lovely girlfriend later in life, however dies early due to a hit and run accident setting Jude into depression eventually dying alone with not much family contact left.

Jude started crying reading this, “This is not me, It can’t be.”

He started reading the document saying ‘Jude Adams-Foster’. It tells him how he is born into the Jacobs family, however his mother dies in a car crash and his father gets sent to prison at an early age. That he’s sent through multiple Foster homes causing Jude to have a severe anxiety and depression problem, until hes matched with the perfect one, ‘The Adams-Foster’ family. That he meets a new friend who later becomes best friend. Hes adopted into the family being made an ‘Adams-Foster’. Things become troubled with his best friend as hes trying to discover that he has feelings for Jude and that Jude has feelings for him, but all works out in the end and they spend as much time as they can with each other. Never getting bored of each others company, happy for the rest of there lives.

Jude felt like he was going through a decision, He didn’t know why. In his head all he was seeing was ‘Deal with the bad times at the start, or deal with the bad times after the happy times.’

At the end of both documents there were quotes. On the one labelled ‘Adams-Foster’ there was, _’You’re afraid, don’t be. To reach your own paradise, Just let go. What you’re imagining right now, you control.’_ While on the ‘Jacobs’ one it said, _‘Know the waters sweet but blood is thicker.’_

To Jude he didn’t know what they meant. But then memories started flashing back to him, Dancing with Connor, His old music teacher, the burns, his paradise, not seeing colour and that not once has his last name ever been mentioned

_‘Last name never been mentioned’_

_‘Not seeing colour’_ But why is he seeing a pink floor in this hollow shell? The wooden colours of the chair and table. His pale skin.

_‘Pale skin’_ Its not normal to be this pale.

What Jude doesn’t understand is hes been given both lives to live. Why? he doesn’t know, maybe a test trial to see which one he would enjoy more? But why did he have to choose which one he wanted?

_‘Beep....beep....beep....beep’_

“That noise again, that irritating noise, what is it?“ Jude said out loud, making it echo around the hollow shell. The hollow shell reacted to the noise, as if it was coming alive. More memories started flowing back to Jude. ‘the nightmare, the paradise with Connor. First meeting Connor, and all the beeps’

He closed his eyes, allowing the rest of the memories to start flooding back to him. He opened in his eyes, realizing hes in his room, his black and white room with the spark of colour sitting at the end of his bed. Connor.

“Hey.” Connor smiled

“Hey, what happened?”

“You fainted again, after the dance finished you pretty much dyed. You went cold and everything. I got scared so I bought you home and put you in bed.”

“Oh, Can I ask you something Connor?”

“Sure.”

“Whats my last name?”

“What do you mean by that Jude?”

“Nevermind...”

They both sat there in silence awkwardly, both not wanting to talk. Connor feeling the tension off Jude after asking the question, And Jude knowing that Connor knows something that Jude doesn’t.

“You can hear it, can’t you?” Jude broke the silence

“Hear what?” Connor shot back.

“The beeps.”

“Yeah, Seems like we have many things in common don’t we.”

“Yeah.”

Connor got up to sit behind Jude again, throwing his legs to either side of Jude and bringing Jude into a tight embrace.

“You are so tense right now. Whatever it is that’s making you like this. Just let it go. It will come to you when you’re ready.”

Jude knew Connor was right, But the fact his last name as not been mentioned to him at all throughout his life is leaving him questions. Such as, is this even his life? Does Connor know more than Jude? And why is Connor the only one whose making Jude feel special after only meeting him a couple of days ago.

_‘ _You’re afraid, don’t be. To reach your own paradise, Just let go. What you’re imagining right now, you control._ ’_ Another faint whisper came through, calling out to Jude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is where im leaving it, but obviously there will be another chapter soon :P Can't wait to write the next one tbh :3


	7. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All is explained on the outside of the current situation. Decisions will start to being made. Everything becomes clear to Jude.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I’m completely sorry I took a long time writing this but I’ve start university and only just about figured everything out. So hopefully I should be able to keep on top of fanfics aswell :P So i know its been a long time and you might need to read over some chapters to remember whats going on but heyho. Atleast its here and hopefully this chapter will make more sense

“I’ll leave you two be.” The nurse said leaving the hospital room swifty with her clipboard in her hand.

James was standing up, tears threatening to leak from his eyes, looking over the lifeless body that the nurse was checking.

Its been about 2 years since James last saw this lifeless body full of life. Back then he would see this boy trying to jump over anything. Polls, walls, even building to building sometimes. Bones broken and shattered were sometimes the outcome so he’s no stranger to the hospital, but it looks like hes going to be a permanent resident. 2 years ago this lifeless body was in a house fire. He got trapped underneath a beam that collapsed onto him while inside. He was knocked out by inhaling too much smoke, and his hands were burnt before anyone could save him. When they eventually saved him he was rushed to hospital only to find out that hes in a coma.

In the time that hes been in a coma, he has died at least twice and things are still looking down for this lifeless body. James has stuck by his side nearly every day for the past two years. The bond with James and this Lifeless body is unique. The bond that they have is shamed upon so its not to be spoken of.

Today is the decision James makes the turn the machines off that make his heart pump, help him breath and feed him. Today is the day that this lifeless body can just been turned off just by one flick of the switch. Beautiful life being destroyed just like that. But what can anyone do to make this lifeless body better? Its been two years since it last had life.

“He still has an active brain.” A whisper came from the door. James turned around to look at the nurse with the clipboard.

“Hes not completely lifeless. Its like hes been in a 2 year dream world.” She said handing him the clipboard.

James took the clipboard off her to skim read over the notes. It basically told him that the brain activity is similar to one of a sleeping brain. Whats getting worse is the fact the brain was damaged when inhaling too much smoke. The lifeless body is lucky to still be alive. However, he is slowly dying. He is slowly becoming brain dead.

James handed back the clipboard to the nurse who again swiftly exited the room. He sat on the chair next to the bed and just stared at the lifeless bodies closed eye lids. Each long eyelash telling its own story. Some funny, some sad and some romantic. The first time they met, The first time they had to work together, The first time they got together, The first time they had sex and there first I love yous and it all got taken away by one selfish act of a hate group towards same sex relationships.

James grabbed the lifeless bodies hand and squeezed it into his trying to push light back into his body, but no response given back. He had to make the decision, and it had to be today. James could stop the tears streaming down his face, dropping onto his and the lifeless bodies hand. He had the life and death decision and it’s too much for him to handle.

The nurse wants again popped her head through the door, seeing the distress on James. she walked up to him and put her hand on his shoulder and whispered

"You’re afraid, don’t be. To reach your own paradise, Just let go. What you’re imagining right now, you control. I use to get told this all the time by my mom. but at this moment its completely true. You control what happens next.”

Jude looks up at the sky when he hears the whisper.

“Its going to start raining.” he predicts.

Connor looks at Jude noticing the monotone look in his face, as if hes been through all of this before.

“Its time, You’re ready.” Connor said making Jude turn his head to look at him.

“For?”

“You already know Jude.”

And with that, Jude just looked back up towards the sky with the same monotone look, feeling the rain drops fall of his cheek. Black and white buildings around, slowly sinking into the ground, trees slowly burning and grave stones slowly raising.

“So this is my world, and this is what I’m imaging now?” Jude questioned.

“Yes.”

“I’m a prisoner in my own reality, with only one escape but two choices.” Jude said turning his whole body towards Connor.

“Have you decided?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed and there will be more at some point in time lel


	8. Who Is Connor Stevens?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You'd just have to read it to understand :P

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey so this is the next chapter, but not the last. The last chapter of this fic will either be the next one or in two chapters time. depending on how I’m feeling about this or not :) Now I know there’s been very long breaks at the moment, but blame university :P

All that was left in this waste land was the sound of the beeps. Echoing through the blank canvas that was a city painted in black and white. But one remaining bright light is still in front of Jude, and that is Connor. Putting the puzzles together it all kind of makes sense.

Jude however still has one thought remaining, and that is, ‘who is Connor Stevens?’

His first guess was that Connor is just a pigment of his imagination that was left behind to help him through what he’s going through right now but he doesn’t know until he asks Connor himself. Would he see Connor again once he leaves this Prison? He doesn’t know.

“Have you decided?” Connor said again, with a bit more determination to get an answer.

“Who are you...” Jude asked.

“You’re not asking the right question” Connor shot back.

“okay... Who are you too me?”

A 30 second pause came between them as they just looked at each other, observing each other mouths, waiting for more words to leave their mouths until Connor muttered, “I am the lifeless body.”

Jude was in shock, throughout all of his time spent with Connor, he has mad eit look like that Jude was the lifeless body.

“You are the pigment of my imagination that will soon become real. You are the next me, And I am the next you. I’ve already decided my root, you just need to decide yours, either way we will be seeing each other next time, as best friend or boyfriend.” Connor explained.

“As best friend or boyfriend?”

Either way Jude, you are in my plan and I am in yours. But you have the choice of what happens next, what happened last time was my choice. Now its your turn.”

Jude started to ponder what the last choice was but then he remembered Connor saying that hes the lifeless body.

“I know who my past is now.”

“Yeah... about that...” Connor was about to explain until being cut off by Jude.

“James. The loyal best friend later being boyfriend but having to keep it a secret due to our relationship being against society.”

“Yeah...” Connor started to get quieter...

“James the one who is going to die of a broken heart when he flips the switch. What made you choose this life?” Jude questioned, determined to figure this out.

“The other life I was given was the choice to get rid of you completely. You weren’t in it.”

“Were not even going to remember this conversation when we’re reincarnated!” Jude started shouting.

“You were the person I’ve always wanted in my life, Your description was perfect for me!” Connor countered.

The blank canvas turning grey showing the emotion Connor was feeling. Jude looked around to take in the dull colour only to then look at Connor to see a single tear going down his eye.

“Whats happening?” Jude asked.

“Well.. out there, the flip is about to be switched by you. This tear you’re seeing, when it falls to the ground, the switch has been flipped.” Connor explained.

Jude walked up to Connor seeing the sadness in his eyes, The grey getting darker and darker. They were centimeters apart, far away enough to see the detail of each others faces, close enough to feel each others warm breath.

“Hey...” Jude said as he used his chin to lift Connors head up.

“You’re going to be okay Connor, no matter what I choose, in the next life, I will always be there.”

Connor looked at Jude and gave a sorrowful grin as the tear dropped. Everything going in slow motion, the slowness of breath, but the quickening of heart beats. The slow tilt of their heads but instantly feeling each others hands touch. The slowness of closing their eyes, but the instant feeling of their lips touching each other. Slow and chaste, slow motion but fast. The blank canvas no longer grey, but looking like a fresh summers day.

~~~~

In reality, James and the lifeless body. James just staring at him wishing he could do something to bring him back, but his hand is on the switch ready to push it, but there’s one last thing he needs to do before he lets go of his loved one.

James reaches down and touches the lifeless body cheek with his free hand, caressing it like its the most precious gem in the world. He slowly leans over and places his lips on the lifeless bodies, trying to remember the feeling of the lifeless bodies lips when it had life. At the same time, he flipped the switch. Listened to the last exhale the lifeless body gave out, but one remarkable thing did happen. The lifeless body gave off a single tear.

~~~~

And then the tear drop echoed on the floor, Like a single drop of water in a cave. The switched being flipped. The feeling of lips gone, the fresh summers day gone, the touch of hands gone, Just another blank canvas, ready to be painted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter and I shall see you all on the next chapter :P


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